Alone

I just got home after driving around aimlessly by myself. By. myself. Always. I'd like to twist these words around so they sound nice, but it comes down to this- I'm lonely. I have no friends. I have two that I love very much, but they do not understand what I am going through right now. So in retrospect, I have none who can lend me a shoulder, to be there just to listen to these thoughts of mine about some topics. Everytime I get close enough with somebody to share a bit of my heart and thoughts with, they leave, and it's usually after I show who I am. Nobody wants to talk to me beyond 'hi, how are you? good.' What the hell is wrong with me? Am I boring? Could I not possibly have anything beneficial to share with another person? This morning while listening to the preacher, I couldn't help but be overwhelmingly sad that he thinks I am not a good person. I understand that it is not about me. It is about Christ, and I am knowing Him more everyday, but it's not helping that I don't have fellowship with Christians because they all think I am on drugs. Doesn't anybody wonder why I only spend time with my friends from school? Because they areTHERE for me. and are REAL.

I need to leave. I need new faces. I can't breath here.